It is difficult to resolve a problem when people are relating in ways that create problems and not solutions. When a relationship comes to a point where you think, “I cannot resolve anything with this person,” the defeat and frustration of the situation can feel unbearable. Enough is enough.
Perhaps your situation or the relationship dynamic you are in is actually unresolvable. This week I am writing for you.
Perhaps you are dealing with a total and committed jerk.
I get it: jerks are totally frustrating. You just want to walk away.
People who cannot resolve anything with anyone grow cold shoulders like they are in style. They are unmoving in their views. These people are terrible to communicate with.
You will never get any traction within any kind of resolution with these people if you wait for them to enter into a conversation with you. They are committed to living problematically and probably don’t know any better. They cannot see outside of their own reality. Thus, being able to see you or empathize with your feelings is a high order.
It sucks so bad you imagine slapping them in the face to wake them up. In the worst case scenario, that would be exactly what they want – first a fight, and then, to make you wrong. These people can make even the most grounded of us into a flaming maniac. If not publicly, than internally, in the form of a whole-bodied combustion experience: my personal un-favorite.
Jerks are called jerks because they kick around as their way of contact with others. Instead of asking, “what did I do to hurt you?” they tell you all the reasons that you are wrong. They have not learned the language of empathy.
Someone can be acting like a jerk when they refuse to listen, slam a door, or shoo you away somehow. Instead of being able to state how they are feeling and what they need in the relationship, they throw gestures, or make sudden movements and comments that hurt.
You will not feel safe around them, and it will seem as if feelings are better hidden than shared. Feelings are not safe with people who don’t know how to listen or lack empathy.
The bottom line is this: Unless people show signs of willingness to care about you and your experience, a resolution together may be impossible.
I challenge you to not just walk away. I challenge you to walk towards a state of resolve within you.
Creating a solution for yourself in unresolvable situations is the result of growing through a problem, and owning the solution as your own. The solution comes in the form of an intention. An action that you can practice.
This is a movement within yourself: Making a new kind of action, holding a thought pattern (like a new affirmation of what is true for you) that unhook you from the problem. You work to take the charge out of the dynamic so that when and if this situation or person shows up in the same way, you know where you stand. They can kick around all they want, but they are the only ones flailing.
Side note: If the situation you are in includes toxic energy, an addict, or a narcissist, to unhook from toxic energy can be a long process. Toxic energy is some of the toughest dirt to clean internally. But you can do it! Especially if you pull in some healthy support.
To tighten the reigns on what you allow into your life, and to make room for that works for you, not against you- Now that’s a resolution.